From Below She Whispers, “Apologize”
In the human psyche resides an archetype that Carl Jung might have recognized but never fully explored: the Dark Feminine.
This entity, also known as the Devouring Mother or the Toxic Feminine, represents the shadow aspect of nurture turned malevolent. It is pulled by a consuming need for apology.
Note: this concept transcends gender.
The feminine and masculine exist within all individuals, regardless of their biological sex. In this article, the archetype will be referred to as 'she', but it is important to understand that the person or group embodying these traits can be of either gender.
The Dark Feminine manifests on both individual and cultural levels.
In individuals, she is the person in a perpetual state of offense, constantly vigilant for the next perceived slight. Such individuals often strongly identify as victims, or saviors of victims, their wounds perpetually fresh, their grievances never fully addressed.
Collectively, the Dark Feminine manifests as outrage culture. She is the force behind the exaltation of victimhood and the driving energy of wokeism, which, at its core, is a demand for apology. Her influence can be seen in social media witch hunts and public shamings, and in the smashed windows of certain protests - an invisible hand guiding collective behavior.
As with all archetypes, the argument can be made that she is, in fact, a living thing. A dark intent that possesses the minds of individuals, and made real in the collective consciousness formed by that group of people.
A distinction should be made between the manifestations of toxic masculine and feminine archetypes:
While the toxic masculine seeks control through overt dominance, proclaiming "Do what I want or else," the Dark Feminine operates more insidiously.
The toxic masculine seeks power from above, using threat and force without disguise. He is not the victim - you are. And he doesn't care if you know it.
Her approach, however, is subtle, often disguised as love: "If you loved me, you would..."
And subtler still: "It hurts me when you..."
With a pouty sad face, she reaches into your chest. Lost in her enlarged but lifeless eyes, you fail to feel her fingernails sinking in.
Often, she will be looking up at you. As the 'victim', she is smaller than you. Which is why she seeks control not from above, like the toxic masculine, but from below.
The veiled nature of the Dark Feminine's tactics makes them harder to identify and resist. This insidious nature demands constant vigilance to recognize and counteract.
The origin of this compulsion may lie in a deep, collective sense that the unconscious masculine has never truly acknowledged the mistakes of the past - the historical oppression of women and the silencing of the feminine voice. Consequently, the Dark Feminine hungers for an apology that she feels has never been fully given.
This hunger manifests in subtle ways. Sometimes she creates an atmosphere of disapproval, a silent demand for contrition. Rather than direct requests, she cultivates an environment where individuals feel compelled to apologize, to admit fault, to prostrate themselves before her perceived moral superiority; the unquestionable sacredness as mother.
The insidious nature of this dynamic lies in its effectiveness. The automatic response when faced with this energy is to apologize, to attempt to appease. It is a deeply ingrained social reflex, born from the human desire for harmony and acceptance.
However, such apologies are never sufficient. Her true aim is not resolution, but control. Each apology reinforces her position of power, feeding her need for moral vindication. It is a cycle without end, a hunger never satisfied.
Before you know it, an entire race or gender is being asked to apologize for even existing.
It is important to distinguish between healthy communication of hurt feelings and the demand for apology. While informing someone that their actions do not sit well with us is a natural part of healthy relating, requesting an apology - overtly or covertly - is a fundamentally different act.
The question arises: is there ever an appropriate context for requesting an apology?
When faced with the Dark Feminine's invitation to apologize, one must pause. And then reflect.
In that moment of pause, we need to examine where this request has come from, and how the energy of it feels in our body.
Is it a genuine attempt at resolution? Or is it a power play? Does the urge to apologize come from our realization that we are out of alignment with our values? Or from a desire to appease?
Does it feel like they are coming from love or control? Do we feel like we are coming from love or fear?
If you ignore the loving tone of her voice for a second, do you feel something else, something unwanted, penetrating your heart?
If you take a pause long enough to feel into the urge to apologize, can you hear the whisper of your own deep shame that existed long before this interaction?
And can you feel her twisting and poking it to make you squirm?
The power of the Dark Feminine lies in unconscious reactions and unexamined guilt.
Awareness of her existence, then, combined with the self-awareness of our own shame and its capacity to be manipulated is the first step in creating safety. It allows for the acknowledgment of actual wrongs without becoming ensnared in an endless loop of offense and apology.
From there, with self-ownership and exquisite boundaries, we are empowered.
Not only to keep ourselves safe, but to become so impenetrable to her ways that we can see below the surface layer of her request, and even through the desire for control that lay beneath that.
And right into the real request that she doesn't even know she has...
Which, at its heart, is the same request we all have; the request to be loved.
