Being Willing to Let Your Husband Go

Being willing to LOSE him...

If that's the result of you coming home to yourself and discovering your radiant magic as a woman...

This ☝️ is the energy that, in our vast experience, almost always brings him closer to you than ever before 🧲

But...

The opposite: being willing to ABANDON yourself to 'keep' him...

Will end in disaster for you.

100% of the time.

Read that again. I didn't say most of the time.

I'm saying ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of the time.

Because whether abandoning yourself keeps you in a relationship that requires you to do that...

Or things fall apart because you keep doing that...

Either way you lose. Big time.

Because only when the fear of abandoning yourself is GREATER than your fear of being abandoned, does the high-level conscious partnership you really desire become possible.

This is the trait we screen for before accepting any woman for coaching.

Because what we see every week...

Is when you're ready to go ALL IN on becoming the woman God intended for you to be, no matter what...

That's the thing that brings a man to his knees, and makes him all in... on YOU 😍

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Instant Inspiration

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Friday. 08:57.

My morning coffee is disturbed by the ding-dong of the doorbell, followed immediately by knocking on the door.

The classic delivery driver ring/knock combo.

Putting my beloved beverage down, I grumpily make my way to answer the door for this well-practiced routine.

I do not like human interaction in the morning. Especially when I am not yet adequately caffeinated.

Through the frosted glass I see the blur of a fluorescent yellow vest that confirms its a delivery man.

Deep breath in, forcing myself to smile a bit in preparation for some obliged pleasantry, I pull the door open.

I am stunned for a microsecond as I discover my delivery man is not a man, but a woman.

An amazingly present, pleasant, and joyful woman.

I look down to where my parcel would normally be - already on the step as the delivery man is already making his way back to his vehicle.

But there is nothing there. And she is not trying to get away.

She is standing there, making full eye contact, smiling broadly, with the box in her hands.

She passes it to me in a way that seems like she is so genuinely happy to be the one to bring me this amazing thing that is going to make me so happy.

And suddenly... I am.

But not because I'm so excited about this box containing organic beef tallow and a digestive enzyme supplement.

It's because of her. Or specifically, her energy.

Suddenly, even without enough caffeine yet, my morning just brightened.

And just like that, in about 3 seconds, this woman's energy changed my own.

Without knowing anything about this woman, except for what she does for work, I am instantly a fan.

Enough so that I am creating this post as a natural response to her energy.

I can respect her for being willing to do the hard work of driving all around town jumping in and out of her car, knocking on doors all day while sticking to deadlines.

But nothing brings more INSPIRATION to someone's heart - especially a man's heart - as the joyful, radiant happiness of a woman who is genuinely enjoying a moment of giving

The Good Mother Necessarily Fails

The part of woman, mother or wife, that gives to man, son or husband, the gift of freedom...

To pursue the purpose in his heart...

And can bless him even as that purpose takes him out of her embrace...

Is a strong and venerable part indeed.

Because it's a strength that comes not from holding on, but letting go. 

And that is one of the hardest things for human beings to do.

Especially when the voice that calls for the holding on is the booming voice of fear.

And Love is the one that whispers, "Let him go".

Divorce.

Originally a post in our women-only Facebook group

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THE D-WORD 💔

Beth and I are both children of divorce.

Our experiences of those relationships ending are at the heart of our personal life stories.

And we can say that the reason we’re able to help so many people create happy, healthy, spiritual partnerships now is because of those experiences…

Or more specifically, the immense HEALING that had to take place because of those experiences…

That in truth, we are still healing to this day in subtle ways, and will be for the rest of our lives.

Witnessing my parents’ (in the pic) relationship collapse is what planted the seed for this work in my mind. I can honestly say that I have been analyzing people and relationships from the age of 5.

And that curiosity hasn’t gone away. But now that I’ve got human behaviour sussed out, my curiosity now goes to the NUMBERS; the stats and hard data around this topic.

Which, thanks to the super power of AI search engines, I am able to obtain in a fraction of the time this used to take me.

And below, I’m sharing just a fraction of what I found (the more interesting points) that back up what I have observed to be true with my own eyes, having been looking at this subject my whole life...

And experiencing firsthand being raised by a single mother.

HEALTH CHALLENGES

Depression - Rates of clinical depression are 2-3 times higher post-divorce for both men and women. It's a major risk that can persist for years.

Rates of General Anxiety Disorder are 50% higher in divorced adults versus continuously married. (Weitoft et al., 2003)

Within 5 years of divorce, rates of overweight and obesity increased by 27% for men and 50% for women in one study group. (Block et al., 2008)

Insomnia is typically more persistent for women after divorce. One study found nearly 2/3 of divorced women experienced chronic insomnia 1 year post-split, versus only 1/3 of divorced men. (Troxel, W. M., Buysse, D. J., Hall, M., & Matthews, K. A. 2009)

FINANCIAL SAFETY

Financial insecurity in old age - Women especially face higher risks of poverty in retirement years due to disrupted career/pension plans from divorcing later in life versus remaining in an intact first marriage. (Smock, P. J., & Greenland, F. R. 2010)

On average, divorced women experience a 15-20% reduction in lifetime earnings and accumulated assets due to lost years spent out of the workforce caring for children.

Housing cost burden - Most American single mothers and their children live in poverty after divorce, struggling with rent/mortgage. 50% of divorced women experience Housing Hardship (paying >30% income to housing). (Smock, P. J., Manning, W. D., & Porter, M. 2005)

CHILDREN’S EMOTIONAL WELLBEING

Parental divorce can influence relationship patterns for generations. Children of divorce have greater odds of having children who divorce themselves versus children from intact families. (Amato, P. R., & Cheadle, J. 2005)

Adult children whose parents divorced had a 33% higher risk of divorcing their own spouse compared to adults from continuously married families.

One study found young adults ages 18-25 from divorced families were 2-3 times more likely to be victims of physical dating violence than those from intact families. (Amato & Keith, 1991)

CHILDREN’S SUCCESS IN LIFE

One review of over 60 studies found that, on average, children of divorce tend to achieve 1/3 to 1 grade level lower than their peers from intact marriages. (Amato & Keith, 1991)

Children from divorced homes are less likely to achieve significant degrees/certifications or higher-status occupations compared to peers from intact families. (Amato, 2005)

Financial instability long-term is observed, including less savings/investments, wealth accumulation, and homeownership rates among adults from divorced backgrounds. (Smock et al., 1999)

DIVORCED HUSBANDS

Divorced men exhibit higher risks of health/lifestyle issues like substance abuse for a longer period post-divorce compared to women. (Bossarte, R. M., & Silenzio, V. M. B. 2018)

Men on average become involved in a new committed partnership around 2 years after divorce, whereas divorced women average around 3 years before entering a new long-term relationship.

Non-residential fathers are less likely to maintain close bonds with children over time compared to children living with their dad. (Amato et al., 1995)

In 2020, divorce was associated with 75% of male suicides in the United States (CDC, 2020)

LOVE AFTER DIVORCE

60-70% of post-divorced women who do repartner end up in a cohabiting relationship first rather than remarriage, showing issues like loss of trust in commitment. (Kennedy & Ruggles, 2014)

Around 15-25% of divorced women over 40 never form a new live-in union, citing factors like independence, parental responsibilities, and reluctance to compromise again. (Brown & Lin, 2012)

Women's sexual satisfaction and frequency tends to drop significantly in new relationships compared to when married. Rebuilding physical/emotional intimacy takes time. (Carrobles & Gámez-Guadix, 2014)

Parenting stressors and responsibilities make it harder for divorced mothers to allocate focus and energy into romance versus children's needs. Dating is often deprioritized. (Williams, 2003)

[But…]

Qualitative research has found some children feeling "replaced" by having less love/attention due to dating. (Cartwright, C. 2006)

[This 👆 was a major trauma for me – my mum medicating her pain with men]

NOT ALL BAD NEWS…

Most long-term relationships really do not need to end. This has been proven to us, and by us, over and again.

It’s simply that they didn’t have the knowledge, skills, and inner resources necessary for healthy love.

People just aren’t taught these things. And the biggest travesty of that, is that none of it is rocket science! As any of our graduates will tell you – it’s all surprisingly simple.

Not easy, but simple.

And as for those times where that relationship ending is what Love wanted to happen…

It’s the same.

Not every married woman we work with stays married, although MOST do.

And when that’s the case, the way she avoids her or her children becoming one of the above statistics is EXACTLY the same process that would have turned that troubled relationship into a loving spiritual partnership – IF that’s what was meant to happen.

You see, none of these stats are really about being married or not.

They are about coming home to yourself.

Because whether we’re talking about transforming a marriage, or moving on to a new life and love of safety, abundance, and joy…

The linchpin is you and your SELF-RELATIONSHIP.

Just leaving an unhappy relationship does NOT automatically up-level your life. Without doing the self-loving self-work, it is a recipe for future misery - the truth behind of all the above stats.

And this is the unfortunate mistake my mum made (because she just didn’t know).

My parents probably were in the ‘needs to end’ category.

But sadly, we’ll never know, because the knowledge, skills, and inner resources were never obtained by either of them.

And while I managed to turn all my trauma into gold, and my dad eventually learned what he needed to create a second happy marriage at the age of 65, the sad part is that my mum never did come home to herself.

She went home to her creator at the age of 56.

And in the 21 years I got to spend with her on this planet, I can honestly say I never saw her truly happy… ever. Not once.

Simply remaining with my dad would not have changed that.

For the same reason that none of the men she connected with after him brought her happiness either.

In the end, ladies, the BEAUTIFUL truth is this…

Whatever life has in store for you, there is only ONE thing that needs to happen.

To transform a marriage… to be ready for new healthy love… to prevent your kids becoming a statistic…

One thing.

Come home to yourself 🙏💙

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The Smell of Hard Work

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There are a few ways in which I feel quite wolf-like, as a man.

One of these is my sense of smell; it’s extremely sensitive.

I remember once when I was in high school as we were all emptying out of the classroom at the end of the day, someone had left a book behind. There were only a couple of us left in the room when the teacher asked if we knew to whom this book without a name on belonged to. Like a weirdo, I smelled it, and instantly identified its owner.

As I continue to develop a sense of realness in my life, including getting closer to nature and away from industrialized living, I’ve come to realize I have very little tolerance for aftershaves and colognes.

My body has a strong ‘no’ response to all perfumes, no matter what fancy brand produced them.

And yet I’ve still liked the idea of smelling ‘manly’.

After throwing out all my expensive smelly things three years ago, I’ve searched for something natural to replace it, including playing around with essential oils myself.

In the end, I finally found the smell that works for me…

It’s the smell of the grass I just cut.

The leaves I just burned.

The WD-40 I just used to fix that squeaky hinge.

The boiled linseed oil I just used on that axe handle.

The pine needles from the Christmas tree I just brought home.

The leather pads I held for my son who I’m teaching to box.

The dinner I just cooked for my family.

Shoe polish.

Firearms.

Leather.

Metal.

Wood.

Earth.

Sweat.

Life.

These are my new favourite scents. And while I was originally tempted to say they all come for free… the truth is they are extremely expensive.

Because they are paid for in skills.

Some of which I learned from my parents, who learned them from theirs.

Priceless.

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The Cheating Man

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I really wish men would stop cheating.

Not because I'm in a position to judge. I've been that guy in the past.

And not because in my work with women, I get to witness firsthand the devastation that infidelity creates.

But because it's so painfully weak.

That's what upsets me the most - to see yet another man so possessed by the Nice Guy / People Pleaser syndrome that he let it obliterate his, his woman's, and his kids' lives.

Man...

If you're in a committed relationship and you feel the hooks of another woman start to sink into your heart (or peepee), here are your options:

1) Pull the hook out, take a cold hard look at your marriage, and yourself, and find out what's really going on. Something's broken, so do what men do best - fix it. You aren't happy, find out why, do something about it.

2) Leave. Get real about your life, align with your purpose, and if your current relationship truly doesn't support that purpose, then look your woman in the eye, and tell her you're out. Then find a woman who is conducive to the fulfillment of your purpose (hint: it's probably NOT that girl who got your attention - she was just the messenger).

3) While not a popular option, the pre-emptive move is to get real about your capacity for monogamy and establish up front in any relationship how you roll. "You might be my main woman, but not my only woman. We can only proceed if you are truly OK with this". You'll find very few non-self-abandoning women who are cool with this, but it's a trillion times better than making a promise you can't keep.

Here's what's NOT an option for any self-respecting man...

Letting your inner child run your life - the part of you that is seeking the comfort of woman, while also being terrified of displeasing Mama.

Being too afraid to have an uncomfortable conversation with your lady, while being willing to devastate the lives of your wife and kids for the little bit of excitement this new connection is offering.

This weakness makes us all look bad, and seriously impacts the future relationship happiness of those who are affected by it.

*****

If you're a man who suffers from the Nice Guy syndrome, it's not your fault, but it is your responsibility to heal it.

First steps: self-education.

Books (in the order they should be read)...

📗 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' - Dr. Robert Glover

📕 'Relationship Samurai' - Sharif Joynson

📙 'The Way of the Superior Man' - David Deida

Second step: join a group of men who are all getting strong together.

I no longer offer coaching to men, but there are many in my circle who do. You’ll find some listed in the comments of the Facebook post version of this HERE

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Real Men Tell Their Women What to Do*

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Tell your woman…

To quit that job she hates because you’re going to provide for both of you. Tell her nothing is worth her being burnt out and exhausted and the light and joy she’ll naturally bring into your relationship when she is living freely is priceless to you.

Tell her to stop eating anything ‘low fat’, ‘diet’, or ‘slimming’, and to eat only what feels self-loving in her body. Tell her to buy the expensive stuff – organic, grass-fed, free-roaming, unpasteurized – and that you’re paying for it. Farms over factories wherever possible.

Tell her she doesn’t need to go to the gym. Her feminine body probably doesn’t really want to be triggered into fight or flight with high-intensity classes, or masculinized by high-impact movements. Tell her to ask her body how it would like to move instead – free dancing, gardening, chasing the kids around barefoot on the grass – whatever feels energizing instead of depleting for her. More ‘flow’, less ‘go’. Tell her you love her softness, and if you wanted someone with a hard body you’d have got with a dude.

Tell her to stop taking the contraceptive pill. Tell her that you regard the natural cycle of her hormones as sacred, and the thought of her causing disruption or harm at the core of her woman-ness feels painful in your body. Tell her you’ll both attune to and track her cycle instead. And… if she does get pregnant that’s fine because you won’t run away and will keep your beautiful family safe and thriving and that raising a child with this woman feels good in your soul.

Tell her to stop trying too hard, or caring what people think. Tell her she doesn’t need to prove herself to anyone and that most of the ways society has told her to prove her ‘worth’ is at best bullshit and likely oppression disguised as liberation. Tell her that the light she naturally emits when she lives in alignment with what her heart wants is the most impressive thing in the world.

Tell her to stop being so busy all the time and go and do whatever the frik lights her up. Tell her that the happiness she embodies when she has made time for herself is more important to you than her ‘working hard’. Tell her that you love how committed she is to taking care of your home, but not at the cost of her wellbeing. Tell her you’ll pay for a cleaner or whatever is needed.

Tell her to say ‘no’ more often. Including, and especially, to YOU. Tell her that every time she can feel in her body that something is a 'no' for her, and sets a boundary to keep herself safe, you respect her even more. Tell her it makes you feel safe too because it means you’re in less danger of hurting her unintentionally.

Tell her to make God more important in her life than you. Tell her that all the love and safety she seeks is already there for her, and that while you are committed to providing these things for her too, you are not and never can be her Higher Power. Tell her you’re both beautifully flawed human beings trying your best, and making God's Love your primary source of love is essential. For both of you.

Then, when you're done telling her...

Do everything you said you'd do.

*This is a deliberately tongue-in-cheek title. Don’t get hung up on the content - just feel the intent. Everyone is free to live how they want.

What Your Man Cherishes Most in You

Note how Joe deeply *respects* his wife's masculine traits...

But it's the power of her feminine radiant heart that puts tears in his eyes.

He's talking about the woman who he has been totally committed to for 14 years...

The woman who he is fiercely monogamously faithful to (even as a multimillionaire man)

This appreciation of her energy isn't unique to Joe Rogan.

ALL MASCULINE-CENTERED MEN FEEL LIKE THIS.

Go achieve things in the world, ladies, by all means...

But know that it's your radiance (energy) that opens a man's heart and can bring him to his knees.

🚫 Your degree does not radiate.

🚫 Your career does not radiate.

🚫 Your bank account will never radiate no matter how full it is.

(Joe's wife was a single-mother cocktail waitress when he met her...)

🚫 Your achievements generally don't radiate.

But your heart does 💗

If you can learn how to let it (not even for him, but for your own authenticity and truth)

And that's a genuine superpower.

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise 🙏

The world is calling out for your radiance ☀️💃

Feeling Like a King

FEELING LIKE A KING THIS WEEKEND 💙

Beth made me this Pimms (a traditional English drink) as King Charles' coronation played on the TV.

She put strawberries, slices of cucumber, and fresh mint leaves in there, but most of all, love.

When I'd finished it, I lifted the glass to show her it was empty, and smiled...

To which she responded by lighting up, and getting excited to go and make me another.

Just because she loves doing nice things for me.

☝️This makes me feel like a king 👑

The next day, my daughter (11) makes homemade BBQ sauce while I work the grill.

She'd already made a cake from scratch the day before. And earlier we planted seed potatoes together to harvest in a few months.

She declares that she wants to be a chef. And as highly skilled as she is academically, she's unafraid to pursue what she loves...

Despite what the world tells her she 'should' do.

☝️This makes me feel like a king 👑

I call up to my son (15), to ask him to cut the grass, he asks if he can have 5 more minutes on his game.

5 minutes later, I'm watching him push the mower around as I flip burgers. He doesn't say anything, but I can tell he likes being given these jobs.

Shirt off, working away in the sun, he has muscles I would have been envious of at 15.

When he's done, he squares up to me and we start to spar, using the skills I taught him. He says he would have beat me in a real fight.

I tell him he might be right.

☝️This makes me feel like a king 👑

Similarly, when I took him to the gun club the day before, and he was able to hold his own in a conversation with the old boys.

Observing the unwritten hierarchy, able to take the bantar that establishes who the elders are.

He doesn't hesitate to pick up a broom at the end of the session to sweep up the shell casings.

☝️This makes me feel like a king 👑

There is no dollar amount I would exchange this for.

These are the things that make me wealthy.

I want all men to experience this feeling.

To become the kings of their lives.

Get clear on what you want your life to look like. Then become the person for whom such a life is inevitable 🦁💛

Your Relationship Probably Doesn't Need to End

Most relationships really do NOT need to end.

The sad truth is that we've come to see partnership as low-value and disposable.

Many women Liane's age would have given up and turned to 'swiping' until she found his replacement.

(Only to have the same relationship patterns show up again... of course)

It's now been around six months since she decided to do the opposite instead...

And I can confirm that their relationship is one of the most beautiful that Beth and I have ever seen ❤️

The Softest Men Will Often Hurt You Most

The man who 'worships the Goddess'...

Wants eveyone to know he's a 'male feminist'...

And disowns his masculine impulses...

Inevitably attracts and is attracted to the woman who's inner template for all men is 'guilty until proven innocent'.

Because they both unconsciously signed the agreement that the onus is automatically on him to prove his non-guilt.

Him because he is still compulsively seeking mummy's love and approval...

And her because society has given a green light to live in her trauma-response presumption that all men are bad.

Instead of inviting her to heal.

And inviting him to grow up.

The problem is that his validation seeking looks like masculine integrity, but is actually a screaming inner child.

And her mistrust can look like healthy self-protection, but is actually an adrenalised inner teenager.

They attract each other like magnets...

And inevitably end in disaster.

Every. Single. Time.

Look At Your Man

Look at your man.

I promise you, he is deeper than you think.

Scared and hurting more than you think.

And has a heart filled with just as much love and fear as yours.

I know... He's been distant, dismissive, and disconnected. And that hurt you.

You don't have to pretend that hasn't happened, or try to forget it. But let that sit to one side for just a minute.

And look at your man.

But when you do... actually see him. For just a minute.

I promise you, he's more powerful and capable than he knows.

And has a courage and purpose in his heart greater than even he believes.

I know... You've tried to tell him, bring it out of him, but to no avail. And that frustrates and worries you.

You don't have to do anything about it. So for just a minute, stop rescuing, fixing, teaching or preaching.

And look at your man.

But actually see him. For just a minute.

And you might realize that God doesn't love him any more or less than you.

That he is no more blessed or cursed than you.

And when you feel that, that's when you've seen him. Perhaps for the first time.

An AI Woman Is Coming For Your Man...

All men are going to be seduced by an AI woman 👾👩🏻‍🦰

One that can be dialled-in to be perfectly...

Submissive?

Flirty?

Confident?

Kinky?

...to suit his needs (and secret desires) EXACTLY.

And same thing for how she looks too 🍑🫦

There is truly no escaping this.

But here's the thing...

NOTHING REALLY CHANGES FOR WOMEN.

Whether you want to ensure you don't attract an AI-addicted man...

Or are concerned about your man developing a secret habit...

The way you achieve SAFETY here is the same as it's always been.

The same way a man is steered away from 'real life' temptation.

Yes, there's the question of his own standards and integrity...

But for you?

The secret is to become the light that shines brightest in his eyes, and his heart.

Which doesn't mean 'pleasing' him constantly 🤦‍♀️

It means a complete self-development journey where YOU know your power, value, and the unique gifts that you bring so deeply...

That the magnetic pull of your radiance steers him home, every day.

And understanding that your capacity to embody this has absolutely nothing to do with him.

That's what has captivated men's hearts and kept them from temptations since day one.

By becoming the light that shines brightest ✨