I really wish men would stop cheating.
Not because I'm in a position to judge. I've been that guy in the past.
And not because in my work with women, I get to witness firsthand the devastation that infidelity creates.
But because it's so painfully weak.
That's what upsets me the most - to see yet another man so possessed by the Nice Guy / People Pleaser syndrome that he let it obliterate his, his woman's, and his kids' lives.
Man...
If you're in a committed relationship and you feel the hooks of another woman start to sink into your heart (or peepee), here are your options:
1) Pull the hook out, take a cold hard look at your marriage, and yourself, and find out what's really going on. Something's broken, so do what men do best - fix it. You aren't happy, find out why, do something about it.
2) Leave. Get real about your life, align with your purpose, and if your current relationship truly doesn't support that purpose, then look your woman in the eye, and tell her you're out. Then find a woman who is conducive to the fulfillment of your purpose (hint: it's probably NOT that girl who got your attention - she was just the messenger).
3) While not a popular option, the pre-emptive move is to get real about your capacity for monogamy and establish up front in any relationship how you roll. "You might be my main woman, but not my only woman. We can only proceed if you are truly OK with this". You'll find very few non-self-abandoning women who are cool with this, but it's a trillion times better than making a promise you can't keep.
Here's what's NOT an option for any self-respecting man...
Letting your inner child run your life - the part of you that is seeking the comfort of woman, while also being terrified of displeasing Mama.
Being too afraid to have an uncomfortable conversation with your lady, while being willing to devastate the lives of your wife and kids for the little bit of excitement this new connection is offering.
This weakness makes us all look bad, and seriously impacts the future relationship happiness of those who are affected by it.
*****
If you're a man who suffers from the Nice Guy syndrome, it's not your fault, but it is your responsibility to heal it.
First steps: self-education.
Books (in the order they should be read)...
📗 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' - Dr. Robert Glover
📕 'Relationship Samurai' - Sharif Joynson
📙 'The Way of the Superior Man' - David Deida
Second step: join a group of men who are all getting strong together.
I no longer offer coaching to men, but there are many in my circle who do. You’ll find some listed in the comments of the Facebook post version of this HERE
