The 'Unhealed Man'.
It's been a few years since I coined this term.
And I've been happy to see it pop up more and more around the internet since.
When I started creating content around it, I gained a sharp rise in 'followers' unlike any of my previous online endeavours achieved.
It worked.
And provided the initial platform for the success of Led by Love.
Here's why it worked...
Women don't want to hate men. Even the ones who say they do.
They don't want to label all men a certain way, based on their past experiences.
They don't want to believe they have to be hypervigilant for 'red flags'.
And they don't really believe all their exes have diagnosable personality disorders.
The pain of a shut-down heart is exhausting to her nervous system. When love doesn't flow freely in her body, it hurts her.
Somewhere within the last decade, the conversation about 'narcissists' and related topics gained popularity.
And the dark energy that already existed around the dying patriarchy conversation found a new home.
Men can be dangerous, is the recurring theme.
And to a certain level of emotional maturity, the only response to that danger is to defend AGAINST it. And in some cases, even attack it (often with the false frame of self-protection).
But the deeper part of woman doesn't want that. She doesn't enjoy it. It doesn't align with who she really is in her heart.
And that's why 'unhealed man' works.
It keeps the door open for compassion... which is just another word for love.
And back through that open door also shines the light of hope. For her.
While also speaking to the work he has to do on himself.
And so in doing, gives her her power back.
Because a man who is a 'narc' in the way many people would have you believe is a 100% predator who is incapable of love, and basically pretending to be human just so he can take advantage of you.
An all-powerful, heartless Darth Vader-like character, who can also control your mind like Jafar from Aladin.
But when you take this highly unrealistic frame away, what you are left with is just... a man. A male version of the exact same species.
A human who is wounded, just like her.
To whom nobody taught healthy boundaries, just like her.
And who DOES need love, but perhaps in a slightly different way... because he is a man. Not a woman.
Unhealed Man works. Because the truth is, there are no 'healed' men. And there are no 'healed' women.
There's only us. Perfectly unhealed, and needing each other.
